Once you get into this routine of sitting in your room all day alone, you start to become tired. Tired all the time. No motivation, no energy to move. So you start sleeping all the time. You don’t want to be lonely but you want to be alone. And then you start feeling sad. It’s like this deep sadness that doesn’t go away. You feel it in your chest. And then you start to think to yourself how much of a lazy worthless piece of shit you are. But you’re just too tired to change yourself.
I use humor to cover up the fact that I want to jump off a bridge.